From: din@bellcore.bellcore.com Subject: Humatrans - A transportation Device for Homo Sapiens Keywords: original, smirk This is an original article by me and M.S.Moni, my colleague when I was a graduate student in India. I have slightly edited the text, but most of it is intact. Moni is still at IIT and has no objection to the dissemination of this article. There is some interesting background story, but I will leave it out, unless someone wants to know. ------------------------------------------------------------------ HUMATRANS (A Transportation Device for Homo Sapiens) Dinesh Nettar- and M.S.Moni= Regional Sophisticated Instrumentation Centre, Indian Institute of Technology, Madras 600 036, India Abstract This device principally operates on the transmission of mechanical energy delivered from the payload to circular rotators that enable positive displacement of the operating system. The linear motion of the payload energy source is converted to circular motion in the device. 1. COMPONENTS AND OPERATION 1.1 FRAMEWORK The device is built around a triangular framework, to ensure structural stability[1]. Its tubular construction enables reduced gravitational load[2] without sacrificing mechanical integrity. All the remaining components are mounted on this structure. 1.2 BRANCHED COUPLERS On this framework, two rotators are mounted through a pair of branched couplers. The aft coupler is linear, while the forward coupler is semi-parabolic[3]. Its non-radial orientation ensures automatic return to default theta setting on normal operating surfaces. Its non-linearity provides partial attenuation of low -------------------------- - Present (in 1984) Address: Department of Chemistry, The Pennsylvania State University, University Park, PA 16802, United States. = To whom no questions should be addressed. - 2 - frequency oscillations. The forward coupler is coincident with the theta control. 1.3 ROTATORS Each of the rotators has a cylindrical axial support at which place the coupler is joined. The grooved peripheral structure is connected to the axial support by a set of pre-stressed off- radial connectors. These connectors ensure relatively evenly distributed load. The peripheral structure carries an annular cover made of isoprene polymer duly processed with sulfur. The interstice between the cover and the peripheral structure is charged with a gaseous mixture of nitrogen, oxygen and other rare gases[4]. The gas mixture is prevented from leakage by a gas retainer. 1.4 GROOVED LAMINAS Semi-circular grooved laminas are mounted in proximity to both rotators. These prevent a slurry of SiO2, Fe2O3 and H2O from contaminating the energy source and operator from the operating surface. These usually terminate in isoprene polymer extenders. 1.5 DECELERATION CONTROL In operation, the rotators can be rapidly decelerated in the case of necessity. This is accomplished by depressing either or both the deceleration control bars on the theta control. These apply instantaneous large mechanical loads on the rotators by depressing isoprene polymer pads on the grooved peripheral devices. 1.6 ENERGY RECEIVERS AND TRANSMITTERS The aft rotator carries several circular energy receivers. These receivers have finite discontinuities on their circumference. The receivers are ordered in increasing radii. Each is concentric with the aft axial support. A discrete endless coupled energy transfer device connects any one of these receivers to one of the two energy transmitters of similar structure. These energy transmitter devices are mounted at the lower apex of the main triangular framework. The transmitters can be set in motion by imparting angular momentum via an orthogonal radial shaft. This shaft carries a perpendicular extension. The planarity of the extension is necessitated for positioning the operator's energy output source. This extension is pivoted to eliminate torsion of the energy source. - 3 - 1.7 DECOUPLING MECHANISM There is an ingeneous decoupling mechanism in the energy transfer device. While positive angular momenta are transferred from the energy transmitter to the receiver, the positive angular momenta of the receiver are not transmitted to the transmitter. This permits the energy source to be stressless during gravitationally favorable transportation environments. 1.8 THETA CONTROL Orientation mobility is ensured by a theta control. This is connected to the forward rotator coupler. This has a short arm symmetrically orthogonal to its main axis. It can be used to set theta from -pi/2 to pi/2 radians continuously and it defaults to zero on normal operating surfaces. The theta control usually carries additional controls that select combinations of the energy transmitters and receivers. These selections enable nearly continuous variation of angular momentum ratios between the energy source and the rotators. 1.9 POLYMER BASE A polymer base is securely mounted at the rear apex of the triangular framework. This supports the operator during operation. It is usually buffered by metallic helices[5] to minimize the transmission of low frequency oscillations from the operating surface to the operator. 2. ACCESSORIES (Only on some models) 2.1 ENERGY CONVERSION DEVICE An energy conversion device is used to convert mechanical energy into electrical energy by electromechanical induction[6]. The electrical flux generates a stream of photons by resistance[7] flow through a conductor enclosed in vacuum[8]. The photon stream enables optical feedback to improve when the ambient radiation characteristics are below optimum. 2.2 AUDIO-FREQUENCY SYNTHESIZER An audio-frequency synthesizer for generating approach signals is used to transmit early warning messages to surrounding areas to avert a possible momentum transfer. - 4 - 2.3 EXTRA PAYLOAD SUPPORT Extra payload can be transported by a support device. This is mounted vertically above the aft rotator and is connected to the aft axial coupler. 3. GENERAL REMARKS The device is ecologically excellent since it is totally non- contaminating. It is relatively very inexpensive, very easy to maintain[9] and often portable. Its reduced width requirements and height make it ideal for almost any kind of operating surface. It also provides much-needed muscular training to the users, besides agreeable diversement. However, it is not self-propelled and so tends to deplete the energy source during prolonged operations. It is a low-priority device on most operating surfaces since it does not reach high linear velocities. Due to its reduced gravitational stability, the operator must be cautious not to provide a cushion[10] for the internal combustion driven devices. It cannot be computerized. - 5 - REFERENCES 1. Euclid, Principia Triangularica Stabilica, (Latin Transl.), 45, 120 (145 B.C.). 2. Newton, I., J. Grav., 1, 1 (1705). 3. The exact equation is beyond the scope of this document. A detailed explanation can be found in J. Math. Parabol., -25, 45 (2045). 4. Lavoisier, A-L, Sur la Composition de l'Aire, Paris Bench Press, Paris, 1781, Chapter 4, pp 104-121. 5. For a description of helices, see Watson, Crick and Wilkins, Nobel Prize Acceptance Speech, Stockholm, 1962. 6. Faraday, M., Electromagnetic Ind., 4, 1 (1833). 7. Ohm, G.S., Proc. Roy. Soc. Elec. Engg., 222 (1827). 8. Edison, T.A., U.S.Patent No. 413478345 (1883). 9. This is essentially adding a mixture of higher alkanes. 10. Bureau of Statistics, Report on the Number of Fatalities, Section 8, Table 19, p 153 (1979). -- Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply. Jokes ABOUT major current events should be sent to topical@looking.on.ca Anything that is not a joke submission goes to funny-request@looking.on.ca Administrative note: The recent parable on toasters was in fact a copyrighted piece from Computer Language, and it has been cancelled.