Article: 25278 of talk.bizarre
Path: 
 news.duke.edu!duke!concert!gatech!swrinde!mips!pacbell.com!att!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes
From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes)
Newsgroups: 
 news.groups,rec.humor,rec.humor.oracle.d,rec.arts.startrek.misc,rec.arts.sf.misc,alt.flame,talk.bizarre
Subject: =3= 1992 Usenet Olympics:  The Name Flame
Summary: You've entered another dimension.  A dimension of heat and noise.
Keywords: The 1992 Usenet Olympic Games -- exclusively on USPN!
Message-ID: <1992Aug5.061307.2856@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Date: 5 Aug 92 06:13:07 GMT
References: <1992Aug3.052444.27944@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
 <1992Aug4.045234.24741@cbfsb.cb.att.com>
Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com
Followup-To: news.groups
Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network
Lines: 137
Xref: news.duke.edu news.groups:15141 rec.humor:23148 rec.humor.oracle.d:372
 rec.arts.startrek.misc:8631 rec.arts.sf.misc:2587 alt.flame:11792
 talk.bizarre:25278
Status: RO

"Superman where are you now
 When everything's gone wrong somehow
 The men of steel, men of power
 Are losing control by the hour"
                                   -- "Land of Confusion" / Genesis
 
                * * *
 
Don Pardo:
>The Usenet Sports Programming Network proudly presents:

                                                               \\
________________________________________ Exclusive Coverage   ////
____________________________________________________ of the  (____)
_________________________________ 1992 Usenet Olympic Games   \  /
                                                               ||
The Name Flame                                                 ||
Second Round Preliminaries
 
 
 
 
"En garde!"    |      \      "Speak English, you #@&~!!"
               |       \
            O) *        *  (O
          --+--'         `--+--
            |               |
           / \             / \
   -------/   \-----------/   \---------------------
  -------------------------------------------------
 
 
Brought to you by cortisone,
    the official steroid of the 1992 Usenet Olympic Games

[Meanwhile, on the Shareware Triplecast's Red Channel...]
 
Dick Enberg:
>Good afternoon and welcome back to USPN's exclusive coverage of
>the 1992 Usenet Olympic Games.  We're here at the Wirth Coliseum,
>where the Name Flame competition is underway.
 
Katie Couric:
>Dick, the Name Flame is a difficult event for spectators to watch,
>with complicated rules and scoring.  The object of the sport is to
>prevent your opponent from creating a newsgroup, by implying that
>his/her choice of a group name is not properly situated in the
>USENET newsgroup naming hierarchy.
 
Dick:
>And the reason the rules are so complicated is that there aren't
>any fixed guidelines for naming a newsgroup.  Each ruling is made
>based on the precedent set by the previous ruling, and the
>self-appointed referees often spend days or weeks on a decision.
 
Katie:
>Now stepping onto the strip are Patrick Yip, arguing for the
>creation of rec.arts.merde, and Jay Maynard, who is arguing that
>"merde" discussion belongs in the rec.arts.dung hierarchy.
 
Referee:
>Flamers ready?  [they nod]  Allez!  Fence!
 
Patrick:
>I'm telling you, merde is more than your mere Western offal!  It
>transcends every part of our culture, from advertising to TV...
 
Jay:
>Then explain the difference between merde and other dung, you
>elitist xenophobic snob.
 
Referee:
>HALT!  Touch is right!  Score, one to zero!  Allez!  Fence!
 
Jay:
>No one's saying that there shouldn't be a mainstream merde group,
>but it has to be put where it belongs in the hierarchy.
 
Patrick:
>Who died and put you in charge?  Leave us alone!
 
Referee:
>HALT!  Touch is left!  Score, one all.  Allez!  Fence!
 
Patrick:
>Okay, we've broadened the charter to include all the possible
>forms of merde:  merde in movies, merde in books, merde in--
 
Jay:
>Merde in possibly every other group on the net.  This charter is
>completely meaningless.
 
Referee:
>HALT!  Touch is right!  Score, two to one!  Allez!  Fence!
 
Patrick:
>I know 300 people who will vote for any name I come up with.
 
Referee:
>HALT!  Touch is left!  Score, five to two!  Winner!
 
Jay:
>WHAT!?  This is an outrage!  You can't do this!
 
Patrick:
>I already did.
 
Dick:
>What an exciting match!  Stay tuned for more coverage as the 
>Usenet Olympics continue, right after this.

        Now you too can participate in the Usenet Olympics
          when you use FN, the Newsreader of Champions!
 
With a few simple search and replace commands, FN turns any post
into an Olympic caliber flame-o-rama!
 
Before FN                        After FN
-------------------------------  -------------------------------
in my humble opinion,            the TRUTH is,
With all due respect             You're a complete idiot
:-)                              f*** you!
I disagree                       BZZZT!  Thank you for playing
Standard disclaimer applies      My company backs every word I post
My two cents worth.              End of discussion.
Here's a suggestion:             Do this now:
 
Many of our athletes are already using FN -- now you too can flame
side-by-side with the best of them!  Be the first at your site to
get a copy of FN, available soon at an archive near you.
 
FN, the Official Newsreader of the 1992 Usenet Olympic Games.

Don Pardo:
>Coming up next:  the Flame Throw championships!
 
[stay tuned!]