CommitmentsShownThroughPriorities
CommitmentsShownThroughPrioritiesWe show where our hearts truly lie through our priorities. My interfaces with Sandia National Laboratories have reminded me yet again that individual priorities have grown divergent, especially in the face of updated “social norms” (downgrades).
Don't mix up “priorities” with “loyalties” - they may overlap quite a bit, but there are good reasons there are different terms. Although children must be a priority while they are young, you should not make them a particularly high priority as they get older. It is sickening to see mommies still babying their (should-be) maturing children and it is more and more prevalent these days with bad consequences.
For me, I'd like to think that my priorities are in this order:
exaltation, currying divine favors that I enjoy. Commandments and Obedience
One must not mix God, religion, and a church too much together. God is the founder of the feast and the plan around existence. Religion is that to which you devote yourself. Church is the faith community you choose to align with, usually based on your religion (but not always). These are very different things that erroneously but often get glommed together.
Love, Service. God brought us together, don't put asunder
One of the great conflicts in life is to marry someone who has different higher priorities than you. In my case, I am very blessed that my wife shares the same commitment to our shared God and Christ that demands higher loyalties to him than to each other. As mentioned before, this isn't just about being a member of the same church (which really helps) - it is about viewing God and that relationship in a unified way.
For instance, I always vote with Lisa. It is very important that we don't “cancel” each other out in the “winner-take-all” universe of the USA. Lisa is much more passionate about who and what she votes for, so I tend to defer to her and follow her in voting matters. Don't get me wrong, we discuss before making our combined (therefore doubly-powerful) choice.
It is the same way with priorities above each other, like God. We have to be together or we undermine each other.
raising them up in the good way and encouraging them toward better paths
Don't coddle or pander to them. Too many children view their parents as a never-ending gravy train where they don't need to face God and the world more directly.
You know, I have never really thought about writing or developing anything specifically for my kids. My talking to them doesn't really go very well, so writing might be a better avenue to transmit my thoughts to them - likely a better way for them to get to me as well. Not as personal and “ensign-family” picture-perfect as it could be, but “so what works”.
It isn't like I write for a profession, so I must be writing for other purposes - why not do more so for my kids?
I recall that Shayna had access to some older computer resources that I had locally, but which wasn't specific to her. It never came up for my other children, but I may have never gotten around to offering it or asking if they wanted it. I provide them with a family Google workspace and email, which can be shared among the group.
Lisa and I offer the “19-27” rule of providing place and space and sustenance to our children, but they must contribute to the effort as well (laundry, dishwashing, housecleaning, etc.) as this is not a “hotel service”- we would just as soon you provide for yourself and your adult needs and do it on your terms instead of ours.
That being said…
At 19, you start paying “rent” if you are living at home, which is usually much cheaper than the market, but I am not obligated to give you comfort. Not a hammock at all. You still get meals provided, or we still provide the needed ingredients .
At 27, if you come “home”, you must pay for “room and board”. You now must contribute to the grocery bills as well as the cost of the home. Lisa and I (your parents) are not obligated to feed or raise your children.
I am not a pushy guy, but I want my thoughts to be “out there”.
I feel some obligation to serve others outside of my family, but I will do it on my own terms. This means I will avoid being part of group efforts beyond a personal contribution. Essentially, I resist instructions on how to behave by a larger group that go against my personal biases, especially as terms of group membership. I am *not* a professional per se, but I am happy to help where I can make a contribution.
I am not a committee guy - much more the lone wolf - voice in the wilderness - sort. I typically will act independently, lay what I need to say before you, then walk off.
Maybe that is why I like being a computer guy - I don't have to join an organization to do my job and there are no licenses besides ability (or lethargy to get rid of me).
However one does that these days - electronic.
transmitting concepts and ideas publicly (computing hobby - “word” processing - freedom)
Church is not “family” for me (sorry to disappoint). It is the “community” to which I labor alongside, as a duty to God. I also make much of my charitable contributions through the Church in fast offerings and humanitarian aid.
purposeful service to larger extra-familial communities, sharing the gifts that God gives.
generating needed monetary income - trading skills and time for money in my view.
Employers often anticipate a “lion's share” of a person's thought and life, reflected by their magnanimous offers of a “good work-life balance” in position offers. Most employers have become this way, so I don't single out any particular one - they all tend to expect your highest loyalties and spin low-cost “benefits” as generosity.
Sell only enough time to get by. If you can live on part-time work or a pension, you may have money “sufficient for our needs”. One should avoid manufacturing “modern needs”, especially those with high ongoing maintenance costs.
Time is your most scarce resource. Make the trade more meaningful by making your time more valuable to others.
I think this is a pretty good list and it fits me pretty well. I have schooled myself over the years in not pushing my own ways upon others. Of course, it might be interesting to note that the mere mention of a matter incongruent with the orthodoxy is considered “pushy” these days, so in saying anything at all about my personal priorities seems extremely dangerous to many sensibilities.
Regardless –
Priority becomes most clear when different influences come into play. For instance, I now know that I continued to compose my missives even when I was unemployed for the first time lately, which authentically put “publishing” above “employment”.
It might be a good thing to examine one's priorities often, as often as the systems will go.